How to Talk Dirty with Your Partner (And What to Say)


It’s amazing how words can not only set the mood, but excite each and every one of the senses. Words can be quite the aphrodisiac, and have the power to deliver incredible states of sexual pleasure, opening up a world of fantasies previously unknown to you and your partner.

Talking dirty is a really huge turn on for many couples. It’s what gets their bodies and minds involved in the moment, as well as a way to enhance their relationship.

According to Dawn Michael M.A., international sex therapist and marriage counselor, talking dirty can quickly break down any barriers between you and your lover, including shyness and lack of communication surrounding sex. Using “forbidden” words is also a valuable component when arousing your partner, building sexual tension and ultimately having a more fulfilling sex life.

Whether you happen to find talking dirty during sex very arousing or very embarrassing, most sex therapists are in agreement that using erotic talk is one of the healthiest things that you can use to add a whole new level of intimacy to your love life. Those sexy phrases you moan, whisper or scream can trigger a neurochemical reaction–taking you and your partner to new heights.

A little verbal encouragement goes a very long way. You may even discover that you like how talking dirty makes you feel.

Whether it’s for phone sex, sexting or foreplay, talking dirty takes tact. Not sure where to start? Use these expert tips.

And remember: It’s okay to be a little naughty. You can talk dirty without sounding like a stripper or swearing like a sailor.

How to Talk Dirty – Practice Makes Perfect

If talking dirty is something you’re uncomfortable with, try reading erotica out loud to become familiar with certain phrases. You can also try giving a running commentary while pleasing your partner such as “I am going to [lick, kiss, etc.] you right here [physical anatomy].” By verbalizing what is often not put into words, it brings attention to the sensation and reinforces the pleasure you and your partner are experiencing. By slowly building your way up from subtle moans to asking for what you want directly, you’ll be on your uninhibited way to more pleasure.


When your partner tells you things you don’t like hearing, let them know.  This is the perfect opportunity to speak up. Talking dirty to each other is supposed to be hot for you both! Communication with your partner is the key when the goal is to experience the most sensual, loving act or strong aggressive sexual activity.

“The best place to start something new, such as talking dirty, is outside the bedroom where each person can express what they would like. I also want to say that if this is something new you both want to try, start gently and understand it may feel uncomfortable, embarrassing and awkward at first,” says certified sex therapist Lori Sarvis.

Body Language

If you maintain eye contact while facing your partner, or while touching them, your dirty talk will be that much more effective. It would be difficult to convince them that they “have the sexiest body” you have ever seen if you’re not even looking at them. When your body language is completely closed off, words have little power.

Voice Tone

Studies have shown that people instinctively lower their voices when speaking to someone they find attractive, which means that lowering and softening your tone can increase your partner’s arousal and subconsciously communicate your desire. Sometimes, having a deep, soulful tone can be great for building sexual tension.

“Speaking or hearing erotically charged words stimulates dopamine transmission, which plays a huge role in sexual excitement,” explains Ian Kerner, PhD, author of Passionista. “They can enhance the emotional and physical intensity of the experience.”

It’s How You Say It

“Most women aren’t sure what sounds sexy, so they don’t say anything,” says Logan Levkoff, PhD, a sexologist in New York City

Despite what you may have heard, it’s not what you say to your partner that matters the most when talking dirty, it’s how you say it. If you’re attempting to turn them on with a silly grin and in an awkward voice, then it’s going to sound a little strange and may not have the effect you intended. Speaking slowly also happens to be more powerful than speaking quickly when trying to spice things up in the bedroom.

The most important rule is that you find what style of dirty talk works for both you and your partner because the more ways you and your partner can meet each other’s needs, the deeper your connection will become.